i saw this in the job section of craigslist. pls click on it:



the website:

http://healthclub.jerkydirect.com

not only is my time quickly running out. the end is also near.

so currently this is my favorite thing in the universe. this guy:



aint nothing wrong with this guy. aint nothin wrong.

i dont usually care to write anything serious on here but i am sitting in the hospital next to my mom with little else to do but wait for her to wake up and make sure she doesnt try to get out of bed. i cant fall asleep because every time she wakes up it means she has to use the bathroom. she wont remember where she is, try to stand, and risk a fall. over and over she does this. it must seem so strange to her that i keep telling her shes in the hospital.

my mom suffered internal bleeding after a series of unfortunate events. monday she was placed in intensive care and almost slipped away. today was the first day i felt sure that she will be okay and fully recover. i can safely say this has been the most intense, scary, surreal experience in my life. losing my mom has always been my biggest fear and frequently preoccupies me, but being confronted with it was nothing like id imagined. though it has been awful for me and my siblings, it has been infinitely scarier for her. but she is amazing and resilient and she is going to be okay.

i havent slept in four days really. if i add up the hrs i think ive slept around 7 tops. my emotions are all over the place. luckily there have been some comic reliefs, mostly involving confused and wandering patients. this guy bill wouldnt stay in bed and kept circling the floor. he was rifling around in cabinets, sneaking into peoples rooms, and to top it off i totes saw his wang. on one of his laps he stopped to clean his glasses with his med gown, un aware that he was completely naked underneath. belly and balls. distgustingly hilarious.

my mom had a roommate when they took her out of the ICU and brought her to anoher floor to free up a bed since she was "healthy" enough not to be closely monitored. i was terrified of her on first glance. she looked like a homeless methhead and may very well be. there was a noise in the hall that startled her awake. she sprang up from bed and in her heavily distorted smokers voice said "the cops are here????" later she awoke abruptly demanding a spoon from nurse lisa. "lisa? i need a spoon!" "youve got a spoon right there lori." "oh," then looking at my brother said "oh man i just had the biggest nightmare. i dreamed i made the hugest pot of soup!" i guess it was a nightmare because she didnt have anything to eat her tasty soup with. also, she was going into the bathroom, looked at my bro again and said, "hey, you think the nurse would give me a beer?"

so yeah her name is lori and she is super super nice. i feel really bad for her since she is all by herself. she likes our family and has visited my mom since they moved her down the hall into a private room. she told us today she lives outside and has frostbite and diabetes. she is stoked to be here though. free food, shower, rent, as she put it. love her.

so now i am trying to pass the time in this room on my sisters laptop. im waiting for her to wake up and relieve me of my watch. i cant believe im still awake. earlier i was texting my bro and fell asleep mid text. my mind is cheese.

get it? the chicken IS the bun.

martin sheen's real name is:








































Ramón Gerardo Antonio Estévez

no kidding.

ths is the coolest craigslist add i have ever seen:

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/fbh/1673686298.html

this is simply the weirdest most disgusting effing thing i have ever seen:



if i was peeing myself, knowing that i have something in common with whoopie goldberg would not make me feel better.

WTMFS!!!

noel and i made this song. well mostly he did everything and i sang. he even made this video:

the future is nigh:






electricity. and finally:



this is a brave new world my friends.

i give this a huge A for effort:

ive always liked this song but i never knew how good the video is. holy cow. things start getting really weird around 1:30 i think:

noel watched some best of 09 music videos thingy and these were his favs that he shared w me:





soo gooood with extra ooooos.

i understand that conan obrien probably sleeps on a huge pile of money and i shouldnt feel sorry for him, but that doesnt make me hate jay leno any less. his jokes are awful, he is a total penis and i am very depressed he is yankin back the tonight from conan. so yeah this was really satisfying for me to watch:



also jimkims monologue dressed up as leno was super funny and perfectly demonstrated why leno is the WORST. i have a new found respect for timmy kimmels.

also my friend from work told me to watch this:



i cried. this seems like something that would make you kluth ladies cry too.

this is so effing messed up:



omfg.

i really truthfully do not give a flying fug about the golden globes and only watched this year because ricky gervais hosted. he was hilarious and i just assumed the mics werent picking up the laughter from the audience, BUT, apparently nobody thought it was funny??? are you fucking serious???

"i like a drink as much as the next guy, unless the next guy is mel gibson."

not a laugh? just offended faces? offended someone took a jab at MEL GIBSON?? the man is a fucking nazi!!! as far as im concerned, not laughing at that joke makes you a fucking nazi, kate hudson.

i used to work on a street where paparazzi used to kick it all day waiting for any b-list celeb they could mob. i was horrified seeing them swarm people. i sorta felt sorry that anyone had to endure such madness just to purchase a pair of uggs raped by ed hardy. but you know what? fuck it. those mother fucking actors and their award shows for best masturbator and most important douchebag can shut the fuck up with their half-realized-pop-culture charities and continue sucking on their own diamond crusted weenises. any actor who cant take a joke at their own expense is nothing more than a self important drama kid who secretly knows their future career will be as meaningless as my job making fucking quesadillas and pouring beer and wine for the great WASPs of northwest pdx.

and srsly, AVATAR? best picture? i had no idea the hollywood foreign press smoked so much weed and dropped enough acid to discover a plot in 2009's most disappointing film.

okay so maybe a cared a lil bit about the golden globes. but not anymore. you are officially academy award status in my book. not cool.

although seeing Mo'nique win an award was mind melting. duh.

W.hat I.f A.aliyah L.ived?

also, i do not have an iphone and probably never will. not because i think theyre liferuiners or something but you know, data plans and the phone itself are expenso. however a question came up today that i couldnt answer. a friend of mine ALMOST dropped his iphone into a port-o-potty. not just on the floor of the wrecthed space, but actually into the poopy abyss. would you have fished it out or left it? i asked him. he seemed fairly sure he would fish it out.

would i? if i owned one? would most? i guess this is something one can only answer if they own an iphone.

W.hat I.f Y.ou D.ropped Y.our I.phone I.n A. P.ort-o-potty?

sometimes what i think i need is a good, hard, ol' fashion punch to my face.