i understand that conan obrien probably sleeps on a huge pile of money and i shouldnt feel sorry for him, but that doesnt make me hate jay leno any less. his jokes are awful, he is a total penis and i am very depressed he is yankin back the tonight from conan. so yeah this was really satisfying for me to watch:



also jimkims monologue dressed up as leno was super funny and perfectly demonstrated why leno is the WORST. i have a new found respect for timmy kimmels.

also my friend from work told me to watch this:



i cried. this seems like something that would make you kluth ladies cry too.

this is so effing messed up:



omfg.

i really truthfully do not give a flying fug about the golden globes and only watched this year because ricky gervais hosted. he was hilarious and i just assumed the mics werent picking up the laughter from the audience, BUT, apparently nobody thought it was funny??? are you fucking serious???

"i like a drink as much as the next guy, unless the next guy is mel gibson."

not a laugh? just offended faces? offended someone took a jab at MEL GIBSON?? the man is a fucking nazi!!! as far as im concerned, not laughing at that joke makes you a fucking nazi, kate hudson.

i used to work on a street where paparazzi used to kick it all day waiting for any b-list celeb they could mob. i was horrified seeing them swarm people. i sorta felt sorry that anyone had to endure such madness just to purchase a pair of uggs raped by ed hardy. but you know what? fuck it. those mother fucking actors and their award shows for best masturbator and most important douchebag can shut the fuck up with their half-realized-pop-culture charities and continue sucking on their own diamond crusted weenises. any actor who cant take a joke at their own expense is nothing more than a self important drama kid who secretly knows their future career will be as meaningless as my job making fucking quesadillas and pouring beer and wine for the great WASPs of northwest pdx.

and srsly, AVATAR? best picture? i had no idea the hollywood foreign press smoked so much weed and dropped enough acid to discover a plot in 2009's most disappointing film.

okay so maybe a cared a lil bit about the golden globes. but not anymore. you are officially academy award status in my book. not cool.

although seeing Mo'nique win an award was mind melting. duh.

W.hat I.f A.aliyah L.ived?

also, i do not have an iphone and probably never will. not because i think theyre liferuiners or something but you know, data plans and the phone itself are expenso. however a question came up today that i couldnt answer. a friend of mine ALMOST dropped his iphone into a port-o-potty. not just on the floor of the wrecthed space, but actually into the poopy abyss. would you have fished it out or left it? i asked him. he seemed fairly sure he would fish it out.

would i? if i owned one? would most? i guess this is something one can only answer if they own an iphone.

W.hat I.f Y.ou D.ropped Y.our I.phone I.n A. P.ort-o-potty?

sometimes what i think i need is a good, hard, ol' fashion punch to my face.