i dont usually care to write anything serious on here but i am sitting in the hospital next to my mom with little else to do but wait for her to wake up and make sure she doesnt try to get out of bed. i cant fall asleep because every time she wakes up it means she has to use the bathroom. she wont remember where she is, try to stand, and risk a fall. over and over she does this. it must seem so strange to her that i keep telling her shes in the hospital.

my mom suffered internal bleeding after a series of unfortunate events. monday she was placed in intensive care and almost slipped away. today was the first day i felt sure that she will be okay and fully recover. i can safely say this has been the most intense, scary, surreal experience in my life. losing my mom has always been my biggest fear and frequently preoccupies me, but being confronted with it was nothing like id imagined. though it has been awful for me and my siblings, it has been infinitely scarier for her. but she is amazing and resilient and she is going to be okay.

i havent slept in four days really. if i add up the hrs i think ive slept around 7 tops. my emotions are all over the place. luckily there have been some comic reliefs, mostly involving confused and wandering patients. this guy bill wouldnt stay in bed and kept circling the floor. he was rifling around in cabinets, sneaking into peoples rooms, and to top it off i totes saw his wang. on one of his laps he stopped to clean his glasses with his med gown, un aware that he was completely naked underneath. belly and balls. distgustingly hilarious.

my mom had a roommate when they took her out of the ICU and brought her to anoher floor to free up a bed since she was "healthy" enough not to be closely monitored. i was terrified of her on first glance. she looked like a homeless methhead and may very well be. there was a noise in the hall that startled her awake. she sprang up from bed and in her heavily distorted smokers voice said "the cops are here????" later she awoke abruptly demanding a spoon from nurse lisa. "lisa? i need a spoon!" "youve got a spoon right there lori." "oh," then looking at my brother said "oh man i just had the biggest nightmare. i dreamed i made the hugest pot of soup!" i guess it was a nightmare because she didnt have anything to eat her tasty soup with. also, she was going into the bathroom, looked at my bro again and said, "hey, you think the nurse would give me a beer?"

so yeah her name is lori and she is super super nice. i feel really bad for her since she is all by herself. she likes our family and has visited my mom since they moved her down the hall into a private room. she told us today she lives outside and has frostbite and diabetes. she is stoked to be here though. free food, shower, rent, as she put it. love her.

so now i am trying to pass the time in this room on my sisters laptop. im waiting for her to wake up and relieve me of my watch. i cant believe im still awake. earlier i was texting my bro and fell asleep mid text. my mind is cheese.