i have no idea why i posted that flintstones endorsement for winston and i think that is really funny. im betting that i put "cigarettes" into the search box on youtube while i was really drunk after that halloween party. why? because cigarettes are COOL.

i have been having some really weird vivid dreams. last night i had a dream that i was like four months preggers and it was really upsetting. my sister was like, "who's the dad?" and i was like, " i dont know! I'm gunna have to go on the maury show!" i could feel the baby moving around inside me. it was probably just gas.

a much needed paternity test:



and a few nights before that i had this dream:

I come home and go straight to my room to put down all of my crap. i look at the walls and they are all different colors with big splotches everywhere. theres one wih lavender blobs and a lavender one with green blobs. i notice my bed is gone and all of my clothes.

i go out to the living room and realize everything is being remodeled. the tile in the kitchen is so shiny it looks like candy. theres a fireplace in the livingroom and becky and deb are standing in front of it. i ask them whats up with all the changes and they tell me that our landlords have sold the house and that weve got to move out by the end of the week. i am very depressed by this and think, man you know what would cheer me up? the oasis! (its a reoccuring thing in my dreams the oasis. its in most of the homes i dream about. the entrance is always hidden in a closet and you have to climb up this tiny tunnel to get to it.)

i see noel on my way to the oasis and ask him if he has ever seen it. he hasnt so he comes along. we climb into the tunnel and out into the oasis which is a giant room with a swimming pool in the middle. there are bathtubs and jacuzzis EVERYWHERE and behind the pool is a fake jungle with birds flying around it. noel doesnt make it through the tunnel so i jump into the pool alone. i look into the trees and i spot an albino baboon but it disappears as soon as i catch a glimpse. i yell out to it and instead of the baboon a very tiny person with one arm comes out from the tropical trees. it looks like a dwarf but more like a child. it starts speaking to me in what i think is nonsense until i ask it, "parle vous frances?" it starts speaking to me in french sounding words and begins jumping up and down pointing wildly at the pool. i look over and see the albino baboon is now in the pool with a girl in a red bikini. the baboon grabs her by the hair and begins to drown her! there are baboon arms and bimbo arms flailing everywhere among the white splashes of water.

"hey! HAAAAAAAY!" i yell at the baboon and jump into the water. it looks at me like a cat thats just pissed in the corner and swims away dignified but also embarrassed. i think man, what a jerk!

dreams man: