today it is raining like whaaat. if i had somewhere to be i would be bumming like a crusty poo haired bum.

yesterday :

when i get to class, there is a starbucks grande whatever on my desk. i dont think it belongs to anyone anymore since it seems cold. how can i tell? i dunno its just a feeling. it has a nasty clear straw with pink lipstick smudged all around the top so i dont feel like throwing it away and possibly contracting smudgey lipstick chick disease. i end up sitting to the right of my original seat.

then i think about the week before.

(the last thursday we were asked to take out all of our books so the prf could read some japanese court poetry while we followed along. "if you dont have them, pull up next to someone who does." the guy to my left had forgotten his so i let him follow along with me.

((then i thought about the week before.

the prf asked us to take out two books so that we could read along as he read aloud. much to my huge regret i had forgotten the damn things and brought something completely irrelevant to what we were doing. so i looked to my left and asked the black guy with tiny glasses who sits behind and always talks to the white girl with tiny glasses. they always talk about how much theyre not into the japanese program and it always makes me depressed. anyway the whole time i was thinking, man, he must be so irritated that he has to keep bending the spine and adjusting the postion of his book just because i was careless and brought the wrong fucking one. he was very polite about it but i was sure inside of himself he was very annoyed.))

he pulled up next to me to read along from MY books and i thought, in reference to the prior week, this isnt annoying me at all. in fact, if anyone is annoyed its tiny glasses guy for forgetting his books and having to rely on me bending the spine and shifting the position of the book so he can understand whats going on. i felt stupid for thinking he might have been annoyed having to have had to let me read along with him. im hoping he isnt thinking, this girl must be annoyed.

im trying to smile occasionally at him and trying to make him feel comfortable because i dont want him to experience the same discomfort as i had the week before. but what did i begin to do? i started thinking about my car and how there was only ten minutes left on my pay to park and ten minutes left of class leaving me zero time to have avoided a ticket. then the sighing started and the restless moving of my feet. i thought, shit colby knock it off but i soon forgot my own advice and the next thing i knew i was jetting out the door right on time leaving zero time for tiny glasses guy to have said, "hey thanks for letting me read along with you," just as i had said to him the week before. man, i thought. i feel like a bitch.)

so im sitting in my new seat presently recalling these events of weeks passed thinking, oh no. he is going to think im sitting here to avoid him reading along with me! i mean i know chances are that he has his books today and wont need me to read along, but he doesnt know that i might realize that.

now i am staring hard at the starbucks cup and really hating it. fuck it! fuck starbucks! why do people everywhere have to drink that shit and why cant they atleast clean up after themselves after they do so! wait, i realize, i could just throw it away in the trash right there. then i could move to that seat and tiny glasses guy would be none the wiser. i remember however that the dude that sits behind tiny glasses guy, who in my head has no face, was staring at me when i walked in . i made the terrible mistake of making eye contact with him. he might think i want to sit next to him and try to engage me in some kind of no faced conversation. thats ridiculous colby, i think. i decide not to risk it anyway.

people start filtering in around me and im noticing that NOONE is sitting in the starbucks seat. do they think that someone is already sitting there or do they not want to touch the smudgey lipstick thing either? hard to say, but either way they are definitely coming into the room, viewing the desk as an option, then passing it by after seeing the grande whatever. this makes me relax. tiny glasses guy will definitely conclude i didnt sit there because of that stupid fucking cup.

at the end of the class i made sure take my time getting my stuff together. he walked by me and i looked up and smiled the most genuine smile i could muster.

"have a good day," he said.

"you too," i kind of mumbled it but in a nice way. not too eager but not with too much enthusiasm. he left the room and i took another minute putting things in my bag so as not to bump into him on the stairs. it is always so awkward bumping into someone after a definite good bye. duh.

god damn stupid starbucks cup ruining my life.